Friday, December 30, 2011


So this year has brought Us tears, laughter, family, new friends, old friends, LOTS of Dr.'s and more tears. Can I say this has been one of the most challenging years of my life? Yes, Yes I could.  I know we are given what we can handle, but sometimes I feel we are tested beyond what we think we could possibly ever think we could do.  And this year my friends...WE were tested and ya know what....WE did it, or at least I think we have.

  I have made friends and became close to them so fast that I would begin to think...we were meant to meet. There has been a friend that has been there for me more times than I can say these past couple of years and she took the time on her lunch break to come to the hospital when Aiden had his first seizure and she stayed for almost 3 hours.  She will never truly know just how much that meant to me.

  Other friends and family called and wished us well and they are just as important to me as everyone else.  Please don't think I will ever forget you guys and the love you shared and continue to share.  We also had a great friend who, when she found out, she met us at the hospital with food, drinks, and other stuff we would need. I love you Bunches!
I honestly don't know if we could have gotten through this without ALL of you.  For this we are Thankful each and every day that we have such Amazing people in our lives. To Richard and Ina....I was given such AWESOME in-laws.  You are like another set of parents to me and our boys.  I love you so  much.

  The one thing that I wish I had my sisters ( Kristin and Erin ).  You know how I feel, so I won't share it on here for everyone to read.  We are connected and close more than people would know...this I am grateful for.

So here is to 2012...whatever it may bring us, I know we will get through it.  Whatever it may bring you..just know that you will get through it too.
    Much love and Hugs <3 and a Happy Happy New Year!!!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

From This Moment On.....

    How to start this blog.....Hmmmmm
As I am sitting here at the library waiting for the time to pass until it is time to pick up my kids, it gives me LOTS of time to think. You know it is gonna be 17 years this December that Me and Robbie have been together. That's more than most people stay married, sad but true. I am not bragging in a any sense, but shouldn't I be allowed that? I think so....The fact that I found My one true Love, Best friend and someone who loves me for me and would NEVER want to change anything about me. He knows what to say without even talking, he knows that just a simple touch of his hand can say a thousand words. We have our ups and downs, but that is part of life. The way you handle these ups and downs is the key. We have never called each other bad things or talked down to each other either...I know he can drive me BONKERS just as much as I can drive him BONKERS, but I feel everything in this life is a learning experience. We have grown with each other and have NEVER felt that we are loosing ourselves in that process.
    I knew from the first day that I went to his house that I wanted to be with him...share my inner most moments with. I knew I wanted him to be the one that I laughed and cried did I know this at 16?...he made it that easy. He had a sweetness that most 16 year olds didn't.
    Fast forward to June 1998, when I found out I was pregnant...I don't know if I could have been happier...March 6th, 1999 our baby boy was born and here ya go....I was even happier. He was simple Beauty. Being able to create a little person with the man you love the me is the greatest gift.
    May 26th, 2001.....the Day we got married, I can't tell you how many times I cried out of pure happiness, anyone who was their could tell you though. I think I may have been radiating in happiness.
    January 2002 was very very hard. My Aunt who raised me from the time I was 8 passed away. When i came home from the hospital I was a Zombie...that day passed with a blur. Robbie was there of course to comfort me and little Noah, they are all that I wanted. That March we found out I was pregnant again.
December 13th, 2002 our second little man was born. My two boys:)
    Now I know kids are not for everybody and I respect that, but.........Man are you missing out. These little beings are Mini " YOU'S ". Like my quote in my bathroom....."Children are a story yet to be told". My boys are my GREATEST creation and accomplishment. In no way am I a perfect parent, but I am gonna try my Damnedest. These little faces look to you for everything and sometimes we just don't have the answers, but you know what I will search until I find one.
    I know a lot of my blogs have been about Aiden's stuff going on, but that is a VERY big thing right now in our lives. My three boys are my life.  If I didn't have the love at home from my Husband I am sure it would have been wayyyyy more difficult to deal with. I also have Amazing Family and Friends <3.
    So when life throws you hard balls, you need to just hit them out of the field. By me saying this I don't want you to think everything is hunky dorey.....all of this with Aiden has been very heart wrenching, I feel like I could cry at any moment sometimes for the smallest of things. I get told a lot how strong I am, but sometimes I don't feel strong and I don't want to feel strong, I just want a good cry damn it! Even though with all this that is going on I have had some AWESOME  belly laughs...anyone that knows me...knows I LOVE to laugh.
    Back to the point of this blog.....My love for Robbie: these are my descriptions
    1. Best Friend
    2. Daddy
    3. Husband
    4. Brother
    5. Lover
    6. least to me
    7. Honest
    8. Giver
    9. Sweet
   10. Quiet
   11. Very Very Friendly
   12. Noble
   13. Generous
   14. Would give the shirt off his back
    This blog is not meant to brag about what I have, but more for the deep..deep love and appreciation I have for my husband.
     If you have not found your ONE....My wish for you is...that you will...everyone deserves this kind of love.
    From This Moment On...I Will Love You <3

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Our World Just keeps Spinning

     If only I could see the future just a little.....July 28th, 2011.  Noah came into our bedroom kinda in a panic at 8:30am saying " Mommy, wake up you need to come out here ".  Did I know what was happening?  In the back of my head...YES.  This would be the second time my body needed to catch up with my brain REALLY fast.  As I turned the corner by our basement door, the first thing I see is Aiden on the floor, Instantly I know what is worst fear AGAIN.  I yell for Robbie and tell Noah " he is having a seizure, call 911 ".  Noah hands me the phone as Robbie is coming out of our room, knowing Exactly what is happening before he even sees it.  You know, even though this has happened once before I am sitting here typing this "Crying".  I don't think until now I have really cryed, I have been going full speed ahead.  I needed to write this when nobody is around and all I have is silence behind me, and that is what I have right now.  I don't think I can ever get used to seeing what we see when he has a seizure.  Back to that morning.....I tell the paramedic on the phone what is going on and that we do have Diastat (  that is something we would inject rectally ) to make the seizure stop.  We did not use it due to being scared....till this day I wish we would have. IF it were to ever happen again..we would use it, especially now because we know the longer he has the seizure the more likely it could cause Brain damage.  So do we feel like shit for not doing it..YES we do, but luckily he does not have damage.  Thank GOD!!
     After I got off the phone with them I have Noah call their Grammy and tell her what is happening, Ina gets to our house before the ambulance and calls Richard.  When the Paramedics get to our house they look at Aiden and tell us they are going to work on him in the ambulance.  One of them pick Aiden up and carry him out.  That leaves us pacing the house not knowing what to do.  I start to get things together for the hospital.  I realize i can't just sit here and pace I need to do something...Oh maybe brush my teeth and hair.  I felt stupid when Robbie walked into the bathroom and here is Me straightening my bangs with tears in my eyes and I say " I had to do something, I can't just stand here ".  He touched the small of my back and said " I know, I understand ". Of course that brought tears to my eyes then and now.  It's those simple touches that mean he knows exactly what I am thinking.
     I called my sister Kristin to let her know what is happening, as I am explaining, a Paramedic Finally comes in to let us know we are about to leave.  I hung up with her and headed out.  I wish I could say that they got the seizure to stop, but they didn't.  It took 4 doses of Versaid and something nasal to get it to at least not be so violent, that was when we just pulled up to St. Lukes that it calmed a bit.  What is Crazy is that we were in the same room with the same nurses as the first time.  Robbie, Noah, Grammy and Papa all show up at the same time.  Aiden kept moaning and groaning, but was not talking.  as Richard was leaving I look over at Aiden as he starts to throw up in his oxygen mask.  The nurse suctioned it out as I wiped his mouth.  Still he kept the nurse came in and said " he must be in pain, I am gonna give him some Morphine ".  should I have questioned her..YES, but you know what I don't know what he is feeling.  The Morphine probably knocked him out for about 10 minutes and that is it.  The Ambulance from St. V's showed up shortly after.  St. Lukes had given Aiden some scrub pants because same as last time he had peed and we are not about to try and change him while he is having a seizure.  As they are switching him to their bed he starts to kinda get scared.  With all that medicine in him, how can you blame him.  I got to ride in the back with him this time.  Half way their he felt like he had to poopy, he didn't, but he did pee.  The Paramedic..Scott was his name, was sooo nice.  Even  though they didn't have any scrub pants that would fit Aiden in the ambulance, he explained to Aiden that he will make sure to keep him covered.  Scott gave Aiden a stuffed bear with a flying suit on for being so good and brave.  We named to bear Scott :)  When we got to St. V's, they took us straight to the I.C.U.  I let them know as soon as we got their that he needed some scrub took them 2 hours to get them :( I am figuring the reason for that is......Aiden turned into The HULK....Morphine is NOT his friend.  Anyone that has had the pleasure..knows Aiden Loves to give Check-ups.  He was NOT having it this day.  He  stood STRAIGHT up on that bed..penis and butt out for everyone to see, all because the nurse wanted to listen to his heart.  The nurse looked at me, saw me trying to reason with him and said " is this normal for him? " Uhhhh NO!
      Erin, I hope you know just how sorry I am that you had to find out what happened thru facebook.  NEVER did I want that to happen... this I will ALWAYS be sorry for.  Julie, Thank you so so much for dropping everything and coming to be their with us...Ina thank you for calling her:) As the day went on Aiden of course got better as the Morphine wore off...the Nurse fell in love with him  <3 .  Doctors came in and did not understand why he was on Trileptal.  We had been weening him off since July 6th, 2011, due to 3 EEG's coming back normal.  July 27th was the first day on the dose 1ml in the Am and 1ml in the Pm.  Him having a seizure was his body SCREAMING....NO not ready to be off Trileptal.  The Doctors say " Oh..they usually give a person one free seizure before meds ".  Ummmm have you looked at his chart, his first seizure lasted 25 minutes!!!  The one Doctor said " well I'm not a neurologist "   Ya think!!!!  Then they wondered why Trileptal and proceeded to explain about the 3 new meds.  ALL 3 cause behavior problems.  HELLO!! he has Sensory, that alone causes behavior problems.  Later Robbie asked our neurologist's nurse and she called to ask about the Trileptal and guess what he said....I chose Trileptal because all the other ones cause behavior problems....Thank you Dr. Haseeb for actually listening to parents :)
     We did stay the night at the hospital..they wanted to keep an eye on him once his medicine was bumped back up to were it should be.  Believe it or not, he likes to stay :)  Friday morning, Dr. Haseeb came in to see him.  Asked me about the Diastat and explained a bit more, now I am not so scared to use it.  He then looks at me and says " Aiden has Epilepsy ".  Did I want to cry...yes I did, but at least we have some answers.  He will be on Trileptal for at least the next two years.  That is good with us...we really don't enjoy seeing that.  It breaks your heart to not be able to do anything for your baby.  When it was time to go home, the nurse had to take out Aiden's I.V. and unwrap a bunch of tape off his hairy little arm.  This took Me, the nurse and Robbie to hold him.  She was AWESOME, she used this wet swab to wipe on his arm, so it didn't rip out any hair.  As I am talking to him I notice he is getting pretty pale.  When she was done he said " I feel like I am gonna throw up " Guess what...he did.  He got himself so worked up, the nurse stayed until his lips started to get pink again.  Poor Buddy.  After we left, we took the boys to Red Robin, poor Aiden looked so drained.  When we got home me and Aiden went and took a much needed nap :)
     We Truly could not make it thru all this if it wasn't for ALL of our family and friends.  When I got on facebook and saw all the love and prayers that everyone was sending brought tears to my eyes.  Thank you all so much from the bottom of our hearts.  Also, knowing that Noah has seen this both times and seeing how he has handled it, makes me love him even more and that Aiden could not have a better brother.  I know still to this day he feels guilt for not waking up sooner.  Aiden had kicked him a couple times before waking him up.  All 3 of us have some guilt...we should have known that maybe something could have happened with him being so low on his meds, but how would we possibly know that.  I hope the guilt goes from Noah's heart, I don't want that weighing on him.  He is such an emotional being and that I love the most.  Thank you for being you Noah,  I love you!  Aiden, Thank you for Always bringing a smile to our faces...I love you!  Robbie, you know me inside and out, I couldn't ask for a better husband...I love you more than you will ever know <3

Friday, July 8, 2011

at least for ME it's gonna be scary

Good NEWS!!! About 2 1/2 weeks ago Aiden had a sleep deprivation EEG, this meant that we had to wake him up at 2 am and keep him awake for the rest of the night. THAT was fun. I actually woke him up at 2:40 am..kinda hard, but I did it. I then proceeded to tickle him and make him laugh, do you know how hard it is as a parent to try to act as if YOU are NOT tired??? Ha!!! I was tired, but had to be a trooper for Aiden, he is what matters. After an hour of tickling him and making him laugh I looked at Robbie and said " Your turn " God love him, he took right over, BUT his way was letting Aiden crawl up in the chair with him to "snuggle ". I then decided I am gonna hang some pictures at 4 am. I had  to keep telling Robbie to wake Aiden up and he tells me " Oh he is just kidding, he is awake " as I look at Aiden's eyes closed. Then at 5 am we woke up Noah, we took showers and headed off to Cafe Maries, we got there 3 minutes after they opened at 6:30am. This will keep us busy till 8am. We needed to be at St. V's by 8:30am...there he could fall asleep if he wanted to. He fell asleep 2 minutes before we got there ( snoring and all ). Poor little duder:( It took about 1 hour for his EEG to be done, the nurse said he Zonked right out. She looked at us and said " You have a VERY well behaved little boy, what a sweety". That makes you feel good as a parent:) We finally got the results from that EEG this week and they came back normal ( no signs of a seizure ). THIS means we start to ween him off his Trileptal. He will be totally weened off it by Aug. 9th 2011. 
     Even though there showed no signs of a seizure and trust me, this makes me VERY happy. It scares the beejesus out of me to take him off the one thing that is making him NOT have a seizure. I think every night at least for awhile I am not gonna be able to sleep, being scared that he might have a seizure. So that is why I say " at least for me it will be scary ".  We still do not know what caused it and may never know. The thing is.......there are only 4 people who were in that room that night that saw just how bad it was...and I NEVER want to see that again, who would?  When something bad happens to your 100% RIPS your heart out. These beautiful creatures, YOU have created and carried and LOVE, they become your WHOLE world, the reason you LIVE and want to be a better person for. THEY are what matters in life.  So we Thank everyone who has prayed for him for us <3

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Finally Some Answers

April 29th 2011 I came home to a message on my house phone. It was the nurse from the neurologist's office telling me that she has some news from the blood work they did on Aiden 4 1/2 weeks ago. Man did my heart jump into my throat. I felt myself get shaky instantly. What did they find out? Were they even gonna tell me over the phone? Oh GOD was it Duchenne or something worse? All this goes through my head within seconds as Noah senses my nerves on edge. He then tries to calm me with his sweet words. Could I love him more?  Yes...because my kids surprise me more and more every day. They are still learning who they are and THAT I love the most. Sorry I got off topic. I find my purse to get the number so I can call them back. Of course I now have to leave a message....It only took them 10 minutes to call me back, but that is a long time to wait when I am shaky and pacing the kitchen. The first thing she says to me is " Nicole, he does NOT have Duchennes " I instantly started to cry as she goes on to say " But he does have Becker Muscular Dystrophy, you can breathe now ". She tells me this is the BEST news that she could have told me. I apologize for crying and she says " that is ok, but now you have me crying ". Never has a nurse cried because of me, but you know what...she must obviously be a Mama too, she new what we were going through and maybe she knows because it comes with the job, but either way THAT even brought tears to my eyes on just how sweet she was. I don't think I could have heard this news a better way.
    She went on to tell me that now we need to get in touch with the Muscular Dystrophy Association to get him registered and then make our first appt. He will now have two neurologists..the one we have now for his seizures and this new one just for his MD.
    The more and more me and Robbie talk about this makes us feel that.....yes we do wish that Aiden didn't have this, but you know what? We FINALLY have answers and THAT gives us peace of mind. Of course we would never wish this on any parent..heck we didn't wish it on us, but it is here and all we can do is work with it. I may sound calm, but inside I feel like my heart is being ripped into a million pieces...Aiden is our baby as is Noah. I truly feel things happen for a I like the reason doesn't matter, but by Aiden having that seizure...THAT is the reason we found all this out...I don't like that it happened, but it did and now we know why.
     We truly..truly can't Thank ALL of you enough for the Thoughts and Prayers and LOVE being sent our way. We honestly feel that they helped. Please keep them coming..this is something that he will have for the rest of his life. Next is learning about it and possibly needing to get Noah tested...that will be another Scary part in our lives again, but we made it through this Thanks to All of you and we will keep on making it through. Much..much..much Love from us to YOU!!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Some Of My Favorite Things...

So I decided to write a blog that hopefully won't make anybody sad this time. I thought " Hmmm, maybe some people may want to know what I like, "what makes Me tick".  So here it goes. I absolutely LOVE Tree Hut Shea Body Butter. It comes in a four pack at Meijer for like $5.00. I have eczema and this makes my legs Ohhh so soft.

My next favorite thing is Coconut Oil...this my sister Kristin turned me onto. I use it to take off my make-up   ( hence, no chemicals, all natural ) and I also rub some between my fingers and run it through my hair before I blow dry makes my hair not so frizzy. I just found out that Kroger sells it for only $6.95, where at Bassets it is $9.95. I was so excited to see it at Krogers.

  Lately I have had a few random people tell me just how good I smell..if you read my Facebook status last week you would have read just how close someone at Krogers got to me to smell me..that was a First. So if you don't want to be as Crazy as That woman I will just tell you what perfume I wear.  It is Lucky Number 6.  I love the bottle, I love the smell..It is my FAV.  Now I am pretty sure you can find it at many stores like Kohls, Elder Beerman, JcPenny, maybe even Meijer for about $35.00 for a bottle way bigger than the one in the picture.

  Now as most of you should know is that my sister Erin is the Owner of Bellababy Studio and she makes these Beautiful flowers and bows.  If you see me on a regular basis you know you will see me sporting something in my hair made by her.  What can I say...She is Awesome at what she does.  You can find her on Facebook and Etsy, so get to it buy something :)

  Now if I am not wearing something made by my sister, than most likely you will see me in some sort of hat.  The grey one on the right I have stolen from my Brother- In- Law Chuckster..Shhhh he thinks he will be getting it back, but between you and me " He's not". I find these hats everywhere..Target, Meijer, Chuckster, Kohl's..they usually range from $6-12.00.  Hey if you can ROCK a hat...ROCK It!!

   I have a slight obsession with long socks, as I call " My Crazy Socks" I LOVE them and I don't care if they match what I am wearing..even though sometimes I try to match a little. Robbie and our boys always try to find new ones for me...leg warmers are cool too.  I have one pair that I put on one night and started jumping on the bed in front of Robbie and started singing " I'm a Maniac..Maniac... On The Floor". If you don't know what  that song is from..I am sorry to say "YOU were deprived as a child".

  My family and I are Major movie watchers.. I love movies that make me laugh, cry and think. These are some of my Favorites. You don't live under a Rock, so I don't need to tell you where you can find movies :).

  Just like my flowers, bows and hats..if you know me and see me on a regular basis you will also know I love me some scarves. Three of them I got from my sister Erin..the maroon, tan and aqua one, she actually made. My friend Ayda made me the long teal one for my Birthday.  The light blue and teal ones on the end came from Thailand..I mean actually traveled from Thailand to Maui to Ohio..those two are from my Aunt Pammy and they smell so good.

  I love All sorts of music as you can tell from my CD's.  Trust me there is so many more I would love to own..this collection isn't even close to All of the variety that I like.

  Oh my Gosh..I almost forgot! The one thing that makes my mouth water  as I am trying not to drool...And that is Dark Chocolate..ohh how could I almost forget you, you little devil.  What makes it soooooo easy to love is..It's Good for you!!!!

   I have been collecting penguins for some years could you not love them, they are soo stinkin cute.  This set of penguins I got from my friend Chris a couple of years ago.   I am also starting to love owls. I think that they are so peaceful and mean no harm..very tranquil.

  There are 3 things that aren't actually Things that are my utmost FAVORITE in this whole world.......That my Friends are my Boys....THEY are My WORLD...THEY make me who I am...THEY Love ME no matter what.  Hug the ones that are in your life and Don't sweat the small stuff. I hope this blog brought a Smile to your face, because THAT was my ultimate goal.... Love you all!!   Peace Out!!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Answers....Well at least some..

So as we feel things may be slowing down, Aiden has one more follow up appt.  At this appt. I get the news that Aiden has Muscular Dystrophy.  I know this is a HUGE shocker. Dr. Walker, Aiden's sensory Dr had given us a blood test script back in December to get some Genetic tests done.  This was just to see if his Sensory/Cognitive Delays are genetic or just something that popped up in Aiden.  All this was gonna do was ease our minds, nothing could change it.  Dr. Walker also said this was Totally up to us if we wanted to get it big deal.  I know I may sound so calm, but trust me I am going Crazy inside. When we went to this follow up appt and Dr. Cockley told me this..I was dumbfounded. THIS was not even what they were looking for. Oh sorry I forgot to tell you why we decided to get the tests done.  We only got them done because after Aiden had his seizure..they wanted to make sure his levels were up from the we thought "What the hell, lets get the genetic blood work done". We had already decided back in December that we were not gonna get it done..why bother, it couldn't fix anything..We will love Aiden unconditionally anyway.  As Dr. Cockley tells me this, I was like "What, you need to back up a sec. " Then I say " Is this what they are diagnosing him with? " The dreaded answer "Yes is".  All I wanted to say was " are you kidding me".  Dr. Cockley knows me all too well, so he starts to look it up on his lap top and keeps saying " this is all worst case Nicole, do NOT go home and look this up".  We leave and Robbie and Noah are in the truck waiting..they did not come in because this was just a follow up..nothing big.  How do you tell your husband the father of your babies this crazy news without breaking down.  We went home and I called my sisters..I was starting to freak out.  I finally got ahold of Kristin and she calmed me a bit. She said " Nicole, this is good Finally have answers".  Dr. Cockley did say this is the reason he crawled late and walked late..Ding..Ding..Ding..THAT is right, it makes sense.  Muscular Dystrophy is low protein in the muscles.
   A few days later I am Finally able to talk to Dr. Walker who actually ordered the test.  It just didn't seem real until I talked to him.  I needed to hear it from him.  He was just as surprised to be reading what he was reading right in front of him.  Genetic testing can find anything, anything can pop up.  We never did find anything out about what his sensory and cognitive delays being genetic.  Dr. Walker said now in the next few months we will be seeing a good amount of specialists. Neurologist being the FIRST..he said that should be my next phone call, he has to know this.  In June will be our appt for the Genetic Dr.  He also told me that I am the carrier and that Noah needs to be tested now too.  Even though I feel our lives had been turned upside down before, this gives it a whole nother turn.
    So the reason I may sound so calm is I Truly feel things have happened for a reason this past few months.  IF Aiden would have never had a seizure..we would have NEVER gotten that genetic blood work done and we would not have found this diagnoses out..We feel that we have been dealing with all the side affects the past 7 yrs of his life..there are a lot of things that we have figured out and this was the missing piece..Finally...Our next few months will be crazy, but you know what, We can do this..We Can!!  I can Honestly say " I am a Strong Women" and I have AMAZING Family and Friends. Thank you All for your support and truly means so much.  Lots of Hugs and Smoochies

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Baking..I love it!

If anyone asked me why I love Baking..I would say, Because I am damn good at it! Just kidding. Actually when I bake I think it soothes me in a way..calms my nerves. The other day I made Homemade yellow cake ( not boxed ), not that that is me I use boxed cake. I just wanted to know how to make homemade cake like they do on that show Cake Wars. So who did I call? My sister Erin to have her look up a recipe for me. Most of them called for shortening (Ewww), but we found one. So I then had decided to make Carrot Cake Cup cakes with cream cheese frosting. Now I don't normally like Carrot cake, but this was my recipe so I tweaked it to my liking..and Damn was it good if I do say so myself. I sliced the carrots in my Handy Dandy Food Processor that my Awesome Husband and kids bought me for Mother's Day, added some allspice and cinnamon and Blam! was it good. I then made my cream cheese frosting and added allspice and cinnamon and some vanilla extract to that too..Mmmmm I could just eat that by itself..and trust me I did. Robbie just looks at me and says " Nicole, you are gonna get a stomach ache" I was like "Whatev", and did a little dance around the kitchen. I could be sitting on the couch and think " I want to bake something", so I get up and find some stuff and start baking.
    I remember when I was a kid, Terrie would give Me and Nikki free rain in the kitchen to bake. We had sooo much fun..we would start with a batter of some sort and just start adding things to it..some of the stuff was pretty weird, but it always turned out..well mine did, Nikki still to this day claims hers NEVER turned out good. I'm sure some did :) Terrie was an awesome cook and baker. I wish I could remember if my Mom was. Terrie always told me she was and so do a lot of other people. I just wish I actually knew. I trust them, don't get me wrong..I just never got the chance to bake with my Mom as a child, or at least I don't remember..I was only 8 when she got sick, but God took care of me and gave me Terrie to do those things with. It's not the same, but I still treasure it. So this shows you that I was baking and cooking early on. Trust me anyone can learn, you just have to start with a good recipe and have fun with it. Baking or Cooking with someone always makes it more fun too, so if you ever want to bake or cook with me, just give me a call......I'll be waiting ;)   

Saturday, February 19, 2011

The day our lives got turned upside down

January 12th, 2011....5:15 am, I was woke up by Robbie telling me " Nicole wake up, Something is wrong with Aiden". My heart fell to my stomach, not something you EVER want to hear. We went in the bedroom to find a huge drool spot under Aiden's face. We both try to wake him up ( no luck),.  as I turn him toward me I see that his mouth is contorted to the left side. I told Robbie to turn on the light as we proceed to try to wake him. His hands then curl in towards his body and they start to flail about and the kicking starts. I hear and see Robbie going in and out of the room saying "what do you want me to do?" We are both crying and I tell him call 911. All that is going through my head is" Oh My looks like he is having a stroke, but he is 8". They tell Robbie to not restrain him so I lay him on the bed and he keeps kicking, so I lay him on the floor..still not knowing what I should be doing. I look up and see that Noah is standing in the heart aches for him because I am unable to comfort him as he is watching and not knowing what is happening to his younger brother. I hear Robbie call his Mom and Dad as I watch Aiden moaning and moving all over the floor. It seems like forever waiting for the ambulance to get to our house. Trust me..they always get lost and this drives me Bonkers. All of a sudden 6 big men are in the room and I am pressed against Noah's fish tank watching as they try to help Aiden. then the medic says "Mam, we are gonna give him a spray up his nose to stop the seizure" I ask "Is that what is happening?" I had epilepsy as a child, but all I did was pass out, Nothing like this. This spray only calms him a bit, but does not stop it. Richard, Robbies dad is here at this point too and I look up and see him crying. The Mom in me wants to be able to comfort all of them, but I can't...I Can't even comfort Aiden. One of the medics decides he is going to carry Aiden to the ambulance. i ran and changed my clothes...I have NEVER changed so fast in my life. I waited in the front seat of the ambulance for about 10 minutes before we left headed to St.Lukes. We arrive at  the hospital and he still is not waking up. He is responding to the cold stethoscope though, this they told us is good news. His seizure lasted 25 minutes...THAT is a very long time for a first time. He had on an oxygen mask and he then threw up in it and Me and Robbie lost it, this was soooo much to handle and see. As the nurse cleaned it we held eachother and cryed and I look back at Noah and he is trying so hard not to cry too. Again..I should be comforting him, can you even imagine what is going through his head?  They did a CT and that came back good..again they said this is good news, still no reason to why this happened. We found out that during the CT, he had thrown up again. They did not clean him very good, but they have their job to do and I understand. So as the Dr. is talking to us, all I am doing is trying to clean my babies face off...this is how I can comfort him. Robbies brother is here with us too..this I appreciate. I called my sister Kristin to tell her what has just happened..I needed to hear her voice..I sooo wanted to call my other sister Erin, but it was 3:30am her time, so I asked Kristin to call her in a bit...Sorry should have heard it from me. At this point they have given him 4 things to stop the seizure all together. On the way to St. Lukes they had given him 2 IV injections and when we got to the hospital they gave him Dialantin. We eventually found out we were being transferred to Toledo Childrens Hospital to the ICU. As they were putting him on the stretcher, he woke up and was very confused. I was able to ride in the front of the ambulance again..this EMT actually talked to kept me calmer..even though I kept catching myself from crying again. When we were almost there, Aiden yells "Mommy" and I said "Yeah Buddy" he says "I love you" this absolutely melted my heart..I said " I love you too" he had fallen asleep on the one EMT's leg while he lay strapped to the stretcher..such a little duder. Krissie had met us up there with some snacks and drinks and deodorant and a brush that I requested. She is the Best :) My Aunt Julie came up too and as she walked in I just cryed as she held me. Thank you. Ina of course was there too..I couldn't ask for a better Mother- in- Law..I love you! We had awesome nurses when we got there. They ordered an EEG..Aiden had to drink some liquid that would make him sleepier so he would hold still during it. He talked the whole time, just until the last 10 minutes then he zonked out, such a trooper. That came back normal too, with a little abnormality on the left side by his ear. They then ordered an MRI for the next day at 1:45 pm and he can't eat until after ( seriously??) Anyone who knows Aiden well knows this is NOT good. He is an eater and now he is alert. We got to finally go to his new bedroom, we were gonna be here for awhile. Oh and by the way, around 4:30 that same day..I found out I no longer have a job. I did not get fired, so don't worry. My boss Larry had to close the doors for good. I could not ask for a better boss. He respected me as I did him. I know hate when I call you my boss. He was not just my Boss..he was and still is my friend. Thanks for all the talks Mr. Boss Man :) I feel this happened for a reason..God knew Aiden and Noah were gonna need me and that my focus and energy will be needed with them. This has truly made me believe that things Do happen for a reason. The MRI was pushed back half an hour. This did not make Aiden a very happy camper..he had not eaten since 11 the night before.. I was able to stay with him and we snuggled in his bed as we slept..wires and all, he had 2 IV's, one in each arm. Laura our friend came up and stayed 2 hours during her lunch break. This meant a lot..she was there when the nurse came in rushing to want Aiden to drink the same stuff from the day before, but it was much more and does NOT taste good..this she felt the need to point out when I asked her for 2 medicine cups instead of the syringe..what I dumbass. Aiden does not drink out of syringes..I know this, as I am his Mom..not her. She still insisted that she could get it down by holding him down. Now I know this was not going to work, but to make a point I let her...Guess didn't work..duh!! This was not fun to watch. She then runs back and forth out of the room calling the Dr. She finally comes back in and says "ok Mom, we are gonna do it your way, how many cups do you need"? " 2 I say" I look at her and say " I am taking him in the bathroom, there is too much going on out here, you are welcome to come in" She say " No I trust you" Oh NOW you trust me. he put up a fight, but I got him to drink it..Just say it I AM KICKASS..hahahaha

    The MRI came back normal too, again with an abnormality in the same spot. The neurologist has decided to call in an ENT (ear, nose and throat). We had to decide at this point if we want to keep Aiden on anti-seizure meds..we decided..yes we do, there was an 80% chance he could have another if we decided not to keep him on it. That is way to high for me and Robbie. We NEVER want to see that again. We saw the ENT Friday night and he was not too concerned with what he saw, but we would be getting another CT in the next ended up being cholesterol something..I always forget the rest of the word, but The Dr. is not too concerned still..he will be getting an MRI in 6 months to check it again. No this has nothing to do with the seizure, it's just something they found. We left the Hospital Jan. 15th, 2011. I was not sure if I wanted to start a blog, but people that are closest to me talked me into it, telling me this could be my outlet. Our lives since that morning of January 12th have been crazy...appt after appt and in the mix of all this Aiden got pneumonia. He is doing great though..he is our little trooper. My family is my whole world..I hope this did not make you cry too much..I cryed while typing it. I will always relive it in my's like it just happened. Hopfully my next post will be more uplifting ;)