Thursday, August 6, 2015

Dear Mom at Cracker Barrel

Dear Lady at Cracker Barrel,
I see you, I hear you, I feel your love you have for your adult special needs son.
As I sit with my husband and my oldest at lunch today, I notice a Mom and her son walking to their table. Two more family members sit across from the mom and her son. I am facing them at our table. Just to give you an idea of my surroundings. I don't stare to be rude. Actually I don't stare at all, I don't think. I love to people watch, but I try to be discreet about it. This family keeps drawing my attention though. Well how the mom responds to her son. It's the little things, like rubbing his back, the tone she uses while speaking to him. There is pure love in her voice, compassion. I can't help but to notice how he eats. Slow and thought out, if that makes sense. I didn't ignore my family as I watch this other family of course, but I couldn't help but to constantly smile.
When the son was almost done with his food, I overhear him kinda asking the waitress if it's ok that he go outside and sit in one of the rocking chairs. It was..... It was just so sweet. The other family member, maybe an aunt goes on to tell him, if you finish your salad, we are gonna go get ice cream after. He then reaches across the table and "fist bumps" her.
And BOOM! My frickin tears come on! As I sat there looking around shoving food in my mouth, anything to fight back those damn tears. I eventually put my whole napkin up in front of my face. At that moment The Hubs notices my tears. He knows exactly why I'm crying. He whispers "go to the bathroom".  At this point my tears are flowing.. Curse you emotions!! I look at him and say "she is just so good with him".
Dear Mom at Cracker Barrel,
I am not a crazy woman who was laughing at you or your special needs child.
I am a Mom who understands and respects you. I also have a special needs child who is precious.
I was crying because I felt your love for your son.
I was crying because what I wanted to do was get up and tell you how amazing you are.
I was crying because I was worried I would offend you somehow.
I was crying because I wanted to tell you how amazing your son is and that I enjoyed being your neighbor in a restaraunt.
I'm crying now because I never did any of those things. I was too worried I would be a blubbering mess.
I even thought of writing a short letter to have your waitress give you after we left.
I'm sorry I didn't do that.

Dear Readers,
Please, if you see parents that have a special needs child or even if they are a typical child. Let them know if they are doing an amazing job. Little compliments go a long way

                   Random Crying Person in Cracker Barrel

Thursday, May 21, 2015

When you question friendships

Friendships are hard, especially as adults.  We think as we get older that they would become easier, or maybe we think as kids they are easy.  I personally think they are harder as adults. I think we tend to overthink more.  As kids we are more free spirited, our feelings still get hurt, but we have this innocence.  As adults we over analyze, we question ourselves and others.  Don't say you don't, because you do.  You may not vocalize it, but deep down inside you do.  This needs to stop!  We are adults for crying out loud!  Hold your head up high, be proud of who you have become.  
Recently, I've felt I've lost some friendships, even some that I thought were just starting.  I've dwelled on this, I've questioned myself about it, thinking, what did I do, did I say something wrong, did I not talk enough, did I talk too much, do I not have enough money to fit in?  Have I cried about these lost  friendships? Yes I have.  One can call me weak, or sensitive, but you know what?  I AM sensitive, and I'm not gonna apologize for it.  Friendships are hard damn it! Especially when you don't know what you may have said or done wrong.  It eats at you.
I've brought back friendships before, that shit is hard.  I did it because I loved that person, I wasn't ready to let go, but are we ever really ready?  How do we know when to stop fighting though?  Does the other person even want to fight for that friendship, or have they moved on?
My question is... Why as adults is it so hard to maintain friendships?  Why can't it be easy like back in elementary.. Will you be my friend?  Circle      Yes      No

I must say... I'm a pretty kickass friend.. I love till the end
Clearly, I can rhyme too!
Oh and Dirty Hair Don't Care
Go enjoy your coffee!

Friday, March 20, 2015

Emotions or Fears?

I was just recently asked what my fears are.  I originally started typing out the usual. 1: the loss of a loved on, but as soon as I typed it I deleted it and messaged my friend telling her I don't really have any fears. I guess my first thing I think of are the "typical" ones like I started off with. But damn, my friends were so much deeper, that's why I deleted mine. Then said friend started reading my blog tonight and messaged me saying and I quote " I just asked you the other day about your fears then you post about it lol". The funny thing is, I didn't even realize what I posted was my "fears". I'm the type that something happens, I handle it then move on. Or I'm just terrible about thinking if it's a fear or not. That's what I messaged back to her. She then said something that made total sense! I think people have more fears than they realize, but it comes out as other emotions. YES! When I think of fears, I think of spiders, house fires, speaking in public. Every time that I have blogged, or most of the time, those show my true inner fears. Can I remember word for word what I wrote as I'm writing this? Nope! But thinking back on some of those, in which I just thought it was my emotion, my feeling at the time, I'm realizing they are legit fears. Fears of the unknown, fears of not knowing what God, the universe have planned for the most important people in my life, my Duders. Fears of not knowing if or when Aiden will have another seizure, fears of are we raising our boys to be the best that they can be, fears of will they find "the" love of their lives? These are both fears and emotions I believe, but fears all the same. So how about we take a step back, try to enjoy life being fear free, because fear can get in the way of so much, and guess what? You're gonna end up missing out on the most wonderful things, and I know you don't want that.
So take off those blinders, push that fear, emotion, whatever you want to call it aside and trudge on.
Kiss your loved ones, tell them how much you love them, because you never know when one of those fears may just come true.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015


Do you ever question your purpose in life? Haven't we all at some point? Have you ever had a dream that you just aren't sure where to even begin to get that dream to become a reality?
This.. This right here is where I'm at. Do I have regrets in my life? Absolutely not! I'm in love with where my life is right here right now, but I do question what I questioned above. Will I ever know the answers for sure? Maybe one. I know I need to do some research, but a part of me is scared. Scared of the unknown, scared that I'm gonna call the wrong place, scared I'll trust to easy, scared I'll sound stupid with the questions I'll want to ask.
I'm an over analyzer.
I want to be proud of myself, I want my Duders to be proud of their Mama, I want my family/friends to look at me and say: Damn, she did it!
I often don't feel like the smartest in the room. I sit and wonder what people really think of me. This falls onto me and my self consciousness. Im not as confident as people may think. I only say that because recently  I've been told this by a few people in my life. Maybe it's because I am with a man who loves me for me and let's me express myself the ways that I do.. Tattoos/Red hair and all.
Am I navigating this world being the best ME? I like to believe so, or at least to some extent. I'm still finding Me. I believe we all continue to find ourselves throughout our whole lives. There is so much to learn, so many people to meet that can change us and our opinions on the world. It's growth that I welcome with open arms.
Will we ever really know our purpose? Probably not. So I guess what I can say is: Go out into the world being the best YOU. Open your eyes to all the beauty in this world and try not focusing on all the negative. Listen to the birds songs, sit in the sun and feel the wind on your face, focus on all the colors you see, and smile more.
If you have a dream, go after it!

I know some of the stuff in here may seem random, but it's something that has been weighing heavy on my mind lately.